Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Coming Out to You All?

We’re getting close to coming out of the closet and into the open. As the years go on and as our kids grow and as our church status changes, we have less to lose. Be coming out, we can be more genuine and say what’s on our minds in real life, not just on the internet.

Of course, there are still fears. The biggest one is that something bad may happen as a result of us coming out that we didn’t anticipate: one of us gets fired from our job because our boss learns the truth (very unlikely that he’d care), or that we’ll lose more friends than we thought, or that we lose the mystique of being anonymous, or that our kids resent us (though we're pretty sure they already know what's up with us).

What do you think? Should we come out and say who we are? Why or why not? We'd really like to hear your thoughts.

9 comments:

  1. The fact this has been here for a day with no comment could be a sign it is time to move on to a different audience through a different medium. I for one would miss your posts if that is the decision but you must do what is best for you and your family.

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  2. We were inadvertently outed to our teenage kids by our oldest child. That unexpected event required a family meeting to answer questions and give them a chance to vent, express their astonishment, etc. They were especially flabbergasted when they discovered that it was actually the Mrs' idea to enter the LS in the first place. Overall, they didn't seem to mind or care, and our oldest daughter (who is married) admitted that she and her husband had been considering a threesome long before we were outed. After listening to all their concerns and points of view, we thanked them for their input and explained to them, in the nicest possible way, that we obviously still loved and cared about them, but that we didn't require their permission or acceptance for what was our personal decision for our relationship. That was over 5 months ago, and things are/have been fairly smooth sailing since. Of course, we don't parade the lifestyle in front of our kids, but we have introduced some of our lifestyle friends to the kids in several vanilla settings/activities, and they all got along very well.

    We are certain that our kids' confusion was based on the fact that we were formerly very active in our evangelical church, and longtime volunteers in our church's children's ministry. The Lifestyle book that the authors of this blog previously wrote about ("Divine Sex: Liberating Sex from Religious Traditions") was an especially helpful reference in explaining and solidifying our position that the lifestyle was acceptable to God and therefore permissible. Obviously, we would have preferred to remain 'in the closet' for a much longer time, but since all but one of our kids have graduated High School, we saw no reason to try and deny the truth once it was made known. The only thing our kids really seemed concerned about was that our love and care for them and each other remain the same.

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    1. I think pixel_pusher's experience helps demonstrate that sex and love are two different things. It is religion that has tried to control sex and one way is to put out the myth that you cannot have sex unless you are in love (and married). In some cultures, love and marriage have little to do with each other. In those cultures sex in marriage is to produce an heir. Sex with someone outside the marriage is accepted as fun but any children do not have the same rights of inheritance. Sex is a fun thing to participate in. When steps are taken to make it safe from infections and no unwanted pregnancy then it should be fine to participate in, but in our society this isn't the case.

      I think pixel_pusher shows there is a special love in the family unit in our culture and as long as that love is secure those involved will support each other in anything they choose to do. With that said, I think there are a few that have taken control of certain aspects of our culture, in the name of religion in some cases, that have a great deal of power. They can make trouble for some of us. If Joe and Christy are clear of those complications, then their family should be the only concern.

      They mention losing more friends than anticipated but other friends can be made. If they can't accept you for who you are, should you care what they think?

      I for one would love to find out who Joe and Christy are. Who knows, maybe they are one of my neighbors. I know enough about them to know if they come out they will be kicked out of their church, but they may have left that already. My original comment was thinking of a way to be themselves that maybe wouldn't get them quite so widely known. I know in my life I have hated times I had to keep some of my life compartmented from people I like and respect in other ways but know they wouldn't understand other sides of my life. If they can find a way to come out with their relationship with their kids still in place (maybe even stronger), and no problems with employment, then I would say true friends will come through for them so go for it.

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  3. It may be that we just let this blog retire and remain here. Not sure. If we come out to our family and friends, they will know us as SOME (former) mormon swingers, but I don't know if it's really important to us that we come out as THE Mormon Swingers. -- It also seems like some readers have enjoyed the mystique of the blog, and by making us real, it may ruin some of the appeal. It just may be time for us to become real which may mean that this here fantasy will fade away.

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    1. Christy, we sincerely hope you would continue to update the blog- or at least, direct readers to your new method of expression. Honestly, the 'mystique' is not what keeps Wifey and I reading- rather, it is the very real and honest way you relate all the experiences and emotions that make up the complex world of swinging- especially from the perspective of someone with a deep spiritual background, as we are. After all, it was your specific postings on that subject that gave us the courage to stay in the LS, confident that it really was alright with God. And Callen is right- the ONLY people whose opinions matter is those who are in your innermost circle- family, longtime friends, etc. Even if they don't grasp it right away, they will see over time that you are still the same people they knew before, and their concern will subside.

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    2. Only time will tell if we'll keep posting under this blog and under these names. We appreciate that our story has helped other people. Press forward.

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  4. Agree with Pixel, please keep updating your story. I have followed you from the beginning, and am fascinated by your experiences... I wish you all the best

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  5. Ditto to Mormon Man. I've followed from the beginning and hope you consider continuing to post here. All thnings considered I wish you the very best!!!

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  6. Anxious for the reveal. Been following for a while. My wife and I took just every step you all did (Vegas, Green door, swingers sites, Utah swingers groups, experimenting with polyamorism, etc. So much so that it's uncanny.) although I left the mormon church before starting down the path. It's been an interesting read and will only get more interesting when you out yourselves. :)

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