It’s Sunday morning, and something happened last night. But first, a little backstory.
A year ago my wife and I were in Phoenix visiting extended family. The two of us were at a restaurant and we struck up a conversation with our attractive waitress. We left her our contact information.
Two months ago, the waitress contacted us, and we made plans to meet up in Vegas. We met up with her in Vegas and had blisteringly hot sex—a very memorable experience.
Flash forward to the present time. On Friday night, two days ago, we flew to Phoenix where we currently are. The reason for our visit was to meet our oldest son’s fiancee for the first time. We were also meeting her parents for the first time.
Reservations were made for the six of us at a restaurant that we’d never been to before, which the girl’s parents eat at often. We met our son and his sweet fiancee at the restaurant along with her parents. Our son is very Mormon, as is his fiancee and her parents. They are very sweet people and just as Mormon as you can imagine. (We still look Mormon, and we know how to play the role, but we aren’t church-goers any more. Our son has suspected that we’re sexually liberal, but he doesn’t know that we’re non-monogamous, and we certainly don’t want that to become a topic of conversation at this dinner with his girlfriend’s parents. [Have you seen “Meet the Fockers”, and can you guess where this is going?)
We got seated at a large table and had polite dinner conversation as we all got to know one another. All was going well. As we were finishing our meal and waiting for the plates to be cleared, I felt my wife’s hand on my thigh, squeezing it with enough force to pulverize my femur. I quickly looked at her face to see that she was fixated on something behind me. I whipped my head around to see “the waitress”. Yes, THE waitress from who I banged in Vegas just a couple of months ago—the waitress who we hadn’t known had left that previous restaurant across town and was now looking down at us smiling. My face was just inches from hers. She beamed at her also sudden surprise to see us. “Hi!” she said. I smiled back through panic and gulped out a weak, “Hi.” She said, “How are you?” I replied without thinking “Good.” I then had the reflex to suddenly look down and away from her to sneak a glance as my son’s eyes to see if he was cognizant of this encounter. It didn’t look like he was. I was hoping that at best, his subconsciousness was only registering a social pleasantry between me an a service worker rather than me reconnecting with a hot chick who’d left scratch marks and bite on me recently.
My wife loosened the grip on my leg enough to allow the blood-flow to return to my foot, and we tried to show our future in-laws that we were interested in whatever it was that they were saying while we totally ignore the sweet waitress who was trying to have a pleasant social interaction with us. My wife and I stole a panicked sideways look at each other, hoping that this wasn’t happening, but it was. At some point in the next few seconds, the waitress was gone. Phew! I slyly pulled out my phone, put it in my lap under the table and texted the waitress the details about what was going on, hoping that she’d see it before coming back to our table.
She didn’t get the text in time. She came back and cleared the dishes while making pleasant chit-chat with everyone else at the table, “How was it? Can I get that plate from you? . . .” All the while my wife and I just silently stared at our own navels.
Once the table was cleared, we quickly got up keeping our backs to the kitchen as we gestured for the rest of the group to follow us out. We probably said some kind goodbyes to our son, his future-wife, and her parents, but we don’t remember.
My wife and I hustled over to our rental car and jumped in. Once the door was shut, my wife yelled out laughing, “What the fuck just happened!?” We slumped down in the seats recoiling with laughter and shock.
I looked at my phone again to see that the waitress had now replied to my text. I again apologized profusely for totally ignoring her, but that we didn’t want to have our first encounter with the future in-laws to result in us being ostracized by discovering that we’re swingers and we constantly run into people with whom we’ve had sex. She got a good laugh out of it too, and she said she totally understands and that she hoped she didn’t out us. I told her that everything was fine, and that it would make a great story one day. That day is today.