In the spirit of openness and completeness, I ought to say that two nights ago while laying next to my husband in bed, I said, "I want to stop swinging." And I wasn't kidding. I have had no problem with the morals of it. I was, in that moment, worried that it had occupied too much of my psyche and that of my husband. Kind of like of we were chronic knitting aficionados and all we did was do that and nothing else. I was worried that we would progress to forgetting about our kids and our budget and food and just knit/swing. My husband kindly and correctly said, OK. I knew that he was sincere, but also that he would be shocked and that we'd need to discuss it more. But he said that he loved me more than anything and that he'd do anything I wanted. In that moment, I had been having somewhat of a panic attack, and his acceptance of my decision let me feel calm and sleep. And so we did.
The next morning was just a normal morning. We said our usual prayers together, the kids went off to school and he went off to work. I really think that if we never went swinging again, we'd be fine.
But then I got to thinking how much we both enjoyed those occasions, and I realized that if we could just keep them to occasions, then there would be no problem. I do enjoy the attention and the excitement. I just don't want it to be the major theme of our lives. Even though those who read my journal entries would think that we do nothing other than swing. But understand that we don't have other hobbies: we don't hunt, we don't shop much, we don't golf or go boating or go to a lot of movies. We love being with our kids and doing family things, but that's about it. Our only other hobby is traveling to meet people and go to social events and maybe have sex with others. This next day, I changed my mind back. I wanted to keep swinging for now.
I think the reason that this came up now was because we were headed to Denver the next day to visit relatives and go to a new swinger club. Whenever we go to a club event, I get a little anxious and excited about what could happen. During sex with just the two of us, we often describe a gang-bang fantasy, but I don't know if I want that in real life. I don't like the idea of not being in control. I want to control the room and the pace and who goes and comes where. My husband and I discussed this again during our trip here to Denver. I re-explained my desires (which he already knew and accepted). So when we got to the club, we were quite excited. We'd texted with a few couples in the days prior, so we were hoping that someone would be waiting and excited to see us. We went in and paid the membership dues. Someone then came up to me and introduced himself. He was the husband of one of the couples we had been texting. We took the official tour of the club and then got a soda and went over to them. We re-introduced ourselves. I was wearing high-heels, a short dress that barely covered me, and nothing else. We sat down and talked to them for about 30 minutes and got to know everything about them: their background, how they met, their interests, etc. We talked about what we thought of the club and the people there. I purposely let it slip out at an appropriate time in the conversation that I'd be happy to "do" either of them. It was a fun and flirty conversation. Just then another couple came over and butted themselves in the conversation, so we four had to talk to them. After a few minutes, I said to all of them, but looking at the first two, "we're going to go to a play room, if anyone wants to join us." Joe and I stood up and went to the play area. It looked like our friends got trapped, so Joe and I played hard, vigorous, and loudly with each other. (I can get noisy. It's really not intentional. Joe says that it's super erotic). Just as we'd finished my 10th orgasm, the couple came in to apologize and tell us that they'd love to play with us another time. I got dressed, we hugged them goodbye, and then left. It was a great evening of great sex and making new friends. They later emailed us their phone number and told us to contact them the next time we're in town for a date.
We're now off the spend the rest of the weekend with the relatives. (They think that we went to a dinner and a movie last night. I hope they don't ask for too many details). Shhh.