Sunday, June 26, 2016

Joe's Screw-up and Road to Redemption

Hey people. Joe (husband) here.

We had been playing with one of Christy's co-workers. I can't remember if she'd mentioned her, but I'll call her Tori. She's young and hot and very sexual. Christy loved playing with her too. She was the first person we ever had in our bed at home. This was just a couple of months ago. Tori is into kink and rough sex, and that's something I want to try. (Yes, I had sex with Tori a couple of months ago in a hotel room while Christy watched, and then again in our bed at home while Christy watched. Both times Christy participated and Christy had sex with Tori at the same time.)

I was working toward another rendezvous with Tori by sending emails. Christy knew about the emails (but not all of them). Tori and I were getting hot and heavy in the emails--mostly I was getting hot and heavy, Tori was not shooting me down. One night about three weeks ago, Christy asked me if I'd sent an email to Tori that night. I denied it. Christy had the proof, but I didn't know it. Christy called me on the carpet--she knew that I'd lied. I felt horrible. Things came to a screeching halt. I'd screwed up royally. Christy talked to Tori about what I'd done. Tori did nothing wrong. Tori assumed that I was keeping Christy in the loop. What made it even more sticky is that Christy is higher ranked than Tori at work. Christy told me that I shouldn't talk to Tori socially after that without Christy's involvement. I'm pretty sure that Tori is less than ecstatic about the whole situation. She may have then worried about her work relationship with Christy. I'm definitely on the outs with Tori, and I feel like a dunce toward both of them. (Ever see that final scene in the movie, "The Other Woman"? That's me.)

The stupid thing about all this is that I have no one to blame but myself. Men are so stupid! My wife was going to let me have sex (for a third time) with a hot and hypersexual woman. She was even going to let me have a hall-pass, so we could go do kinky stuff. I ruined it by lying. Why did I lie. I lied because I didn't want Christy to know just HOW kinky the conversation was getting. I knew that Christy wasn't ultra kinky and I was worried that if she saw how wild things were getting, that it may have exceeded her threshold and she would have shut it down. Turns out that it all got shut down for sure but because I wasn't being honest.


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  2. I questioned the wisdom of playing with coworkers.

    As had been said many times in many ways.... Screw someone at work and the will turn around and screw you.

    And so much for honesty in relationships. When the small head starts doing the thinking for the big head ..... The eye of the small head sees and considers only one thing.

    1. Yeah, he screwed up. He lied about sending the email. I suppose I could have told him, "I know you sent an email. Why?"

  3. It seems all relationships, whether they are vanilla, swinger, or some other alternative lifestyle, depend on trust and good communication. Keep up the good communication and with time the trust can be salvaged. Don't let your relationship fall into what mine did where we lost the communication as we were too worried about the trust. Definitely make him restore the trust but keep the communication open so that may happen. Good luck.

    1. What do you mean that you lost communication by worrying too much about trust? Please explain.

  4. Many years ago we were feeling isolated and while I was at home one day alone I posted to a swinger group on Yahoo groups, tells you it was many years ago, and ask if people would just talk with someone with an open mind. A few responded and I started talking with them about all sorts of stuff. At times we would use Yahoo Messenger but at other times I would be in a chat room for one of the swinger groups I had joined. I would talk to my wife about what was being said and suggested she should join too. She felt pressured to join from that and did.

    (I wrote out just what happened but I've decided this isn't the place for those details. Just suffice it to say she met some people though the groups that she was having some good times with. She suddenly shut all of it down though. She was angry with me about what she was feeling.)

    I felt that trying to talk with her just came across as pressure to do something while all I wanted was to find out why the sudden change. I had trusted her to choose for herself and didn't try to force anything, though apparently I had not communicated well and came across as trying to get her to do things she didn't want to do.

    After more than ten years I got her to open up a little about what had happened. Some things were news to me including one of the men she was seeing wanted her to leave me and marry him.

    We lacked communication and it destroyed our trust in each other. I kept trying to find ways to restore the trust but kept messing it up. What I should have concentrated on was building better communication so I could rebuild the trust.

    What I was trying to say in my reply was don't fall into the trap I did, keep that communication open or the trust will never be rebuilt.